A Hole in Her Heart

She sat on the floor in the corner of the darkened room.  Her knees were curled against her chest and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

She had been in psychotherapy for some time and she had made significant changes in her life, but she felt as if she was living in-between two worlds and didn’t belong in either.  She couldn’t go back to her old life because therapy had opened her eyes to reality; returning to a state of denial was not possible.  Her prior coping skills didn’t work anymore, but her new skills weren’t solid.  She felt awkward and clumsy as she tried out new ways of being in the world.

She was even more disturbed by the emptiness she still felt in her heart.  Her therapists, group members and friends had given her so much love, yet she still felt empty.  It was as if her heart was a bucket that had a hole in the bottom.  Whatever came in, flowed out within hours.  She wondered what was wrong with her.

As she sobbed in frustration, she had no way of knowing that only a week later she would sense that the hole had sealed over.  It didn’t stay sealed, but since it had clearly happened, she would begin to have hope that the sense of emptiness would end.

As the days and weeks continued to pass by, the hole would become securely sealed and her heart would begin to fill.  Never again would she experience that overwhelming sense of emptiness.

The change you seek may be just around the corner.

 

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26 thoughts on “A Hole in Her Heart

  1. A touching story; and one that I know is shared by so many as they struggle with life. It’s so vital to be reminded that much as we think they do not, our moods and mental states, our body’s chemistry and the inevitable conditionings that impact upon it, will always change and develop; there is always a movement there. To hold no expectations other than this change is a powerful starting point; and a place from which we can develop compassion towards ourselves and our current plight.

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  2. I have been where she is. The in-between time when you can feel the emptiness and the cracks leaking out all the good stuff. I always had this vision of being a vase that was cracked on an unstable base with the glue not quite holding. The vase has become more solid thank god. 😀

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  3. You told that so well, Karuna. I’ve been there, wondering why, when I have everything I need to be “fixed” the pain is still there. It’s taken a long time to understand that sometimes if you just wait a bit, the pain will begin to dissipate, and the good stuff will show itself.
    BTW I don’t know if you’ve seen your place on my Heroes In My Garden page, but it wouldn’t have been complete without you! ❤ http://healingbeyondsurvival.wordpress.com/my-heros/

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  4. I love this post, Karuna! Yes, indeed, once you know a little, have gone through psychotherapy, you just can’t go back under the covers and pretend…change is inevitable and sometimes we go through growing pains but we get there. Transitions and ‘tween times are always daunting but your post offers hope and the message is the heart does fill that hollowness:)

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  5. Beautifully arranged! It’s also very inspiring for me as a writer. I won’t be shy anymore as far as posting my own creative stories! Thank you!

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    1. I’m glad it inspires you to do the same. It was definitely new for me to write something like that. It has been fun to see how many people relate to it.

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  6. I understand the story. I thought the video below was something you added…but it was McDonald’s advertisement. Yet somehow, I wanted to relate it to your story but couldn’t. 🙂

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    1. They always say they may put an advertisement there but no one has ever mentioned it so I thought that maybe my blog was too small!

      I remember how confused I was when I saw one on Sreejit’s blog for the first time. I wondered why he would post something like that and how it related!

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  7. Reblogged this on Wholehearted Growth and commented:
    I have found that embedding myself in nature has healed the hole in my heart. I never realized through the years of self-negligence that I was taking for granted the natural world. The sorrow of being unable to feel was extreme for me most of my life. By reconnecting with the natural world, I was able to experience all my five senses again. I am now able to see that this world is not empty but actually full of dazzling life that is worth connecting and experiencing.

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